Millennial

Okay so hi. Phone's tied up, which means I've got maybe four minutes before somebody picks up the other line and starts yelling. Go.

I redid a mix CD tracklist four separate times, Sharpie label and all, to get the order exactly right for somebody, and she introduced me to her friend as "this kid from my math class." I laughed about it in the hallway, texted somebody a joke about it that night, and never once said the real sentence. I kept the extra copy of the CD in my backpack for another month before I let myself throw it out. I moved her up two spots on my buddy list at 1 a.m. anyway, then made a joke to myself about it before anyone else could.

I've got a ride-or-die who showed up in his mom's minivan at midnight when I missed the late bus, zero questions asked, and instead of saying thank you like a person, I made a joke about the check-engine light. I rode the bus home after a loss without saying one word about the ref, because that's just how you're supposed to take an L: chin up, jaw shut, save it for the parking lot. I practiced every night before chair auditions and half my row didn't practice at all and landed the same ranking I earned, so I said something funny about the sheet music. I have a list.

Half my LimeWire downloads turn out to be some remix wearing a real song's name plus fourteen toolbars, and now my homepage is haunted and my dad's yelling because the printer "doesn't work anymore." Not telling him it's from the thing I tried to download at 2 a.m. Nope. Moving on.

What I'd really want, if anyone bothered to ask, is my own phone line, so a call that matters doesn't get killed by my mom picking up mid-download. Somebody to answer my IM fast every time, without me checking twice. And, okay, fine, ONE thing, five minutes where the joke doesn't have to go first. That's it. That's the whole ask. Stop looking at me like that.

kthxbye.